Wednesday, June 23, 2010

8 Years and Counting

Yesterday my wife & I celebrated our eighth anniversary. Crazy how time flies when you're having fun! :-) But I'm so glad I married the woman I did, and here's a few reasons why:

1) She is beautiful. Not just the "super gorgeous" kind of beautiful, cuz she is, but I mean TRULY beautiful. Her insides match her outsides. She is compassionate, caring, honest, intuitive, lovably stubborn, and willing to sacrifice for the greater good. Her love for God is reflected in the way she lives and how she treats others; it's not just something that she talks about.

2) She is real. She doesn't sugar-coat the truth, which I so appreciate (except for the times she calls me on the carpet, which has only happened like once...ha!). She shoots straight and calls it how she sees it, simplifying the process of getting to the heart of the matter, whatever it may be.

3) She is funny. Seriously, she cracks me up all the time. Even when I wish she would stop the incessant sarcasm, somehow she turns it around on itself to make me laugh yet again (which is irritating when I'm really trying to be mad). God knew I needed someone who would balance my sometimes-too-serious outlook on life!

4) She is committed. Even when we're at odds, I know she's not thinking about walking out on me. We have had our share of knock-down, drag-out fights through the years, but we have learned to fight fair, to make amends as soon as possible, and to learn from each altercation (which are usually her fault anyhow...ha ha...yeah right!).

5) She is strong. Every time I play Mr. Mom and handle the kids on my own, I am amazed by what my wife does as a mother, as well as a wife! Truth is I couldn't do what she does, and I know it. She is gifted in ways that I am not, and I'm evermore grateful that she is mine with each passing day.

If you haven't told the one you love WHY you love them so much...remind them--and yourself.

Monday, May 31, 2010

The Unnatural Phenomenon of Rest

The title says it all...my question is WHY? I'm on the second week of vacation with my family in Myrtle Beach, having a killer time, but it took me nearly the whole first week to decompress and begin to truly relax. As I ask myself why my mind's button is literally stuck in the "ON" position, why I brought work with me on a trip intended to escape from it temporarily, I'm reminded of Matthew 11:28 "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

I've got issues, I know...that's step one, right? Admitting the problem? :-) Among them is the weakness of my work ethic, but not in the sense that one might assume. Every job I've ever had, from lawn care to janitor to teaching to waiter to construction to milk man to ministry, I have given 100%...and I always will. It's part of my nature, it's the way I was raised, it's the way I believe God intends us to live. My weakness lies not in my labor, but in my rest. I have never prioritized quality, healthy rest the way I should, and I see it more clearly now than ever because it has grown in necessity as my life has grown in complexity. And I think that rest is part of one's work ethic, because it directly affects the capacity and quality of work that one is capable of!

For me, rest is unnatural. Escape is natural, but not rest...and there's a difference. I can watch a good movie and manage to escape reality for a few hours, but I don't necessarily find rest. I can go on a 10-minute motorcycle ride and actually find more rest in it than I do a two-hour nap. The answer is not directly related to gasoline and horsepower, although that never hurts (wink), but rather that every time I get on my motorcycle, I find my mind connecting with God as my senses experience the wonder and beauty of His creation, reminding me (again) of how great He is, and how great He thinks I am because He made all of this for my enjoyment.

"Come to Me...and I will give you rest." Once again, He is the answer...always has been and always will be. It is when I come to Him that I truly find rest for my soul, renewal for my mind, passion in my heart, fuel for my body. I'm committing (again) to come to Him for rest, to do the things that connect me with Him more regularly. I'm reminded of a teaching I once heard about the story of creation, and how "the evening and the morning were the first day" (Gen. 1:5). Notice that the evening is listed FIRST, which represents rest. God set it up for us to operate from a place of rest and restoration, so we should do our part in finding that place every day!

If rest is unnatural for you as it is for me, let's change it! That's not what God intended, and it's not what we should settle for...

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Heartbeat

Ya know those moments when time stands still and you find yourself thinking about life in a different way? I've had two of those moments within the past 24 hours.

Last night I had to drive home and grab my trumpet cuz I realized I had forgotten to bring it with me for lessons. I had a 10-minute window, so I left the car running, ran inside, ran out, jumped in and took off. Upon reaching the intersection that I just came through, a half mile down the road from our subdivision, I was among the first people to stop at a horrific accident. There was a mangled pickup flipped in the ditch, with the driver still strapped in his seatbelt hanging upside down. In the opposing lane was a compact sedan that had been slammed by the truck to the point that you could not tell what kind of car it was.

I got out to see if I could be of any assistance, and on first glance, I thought the woman driving the car was dead. Then I noticed that she was breathing, though slumped over and unresponsive, and went to check on the driver of the truck, who seemed fine. A few minutes later, I left to get out of the way of emergency vehicles as they arrived. Three hours later on my way home, the intersection was still closed as the accident was being investigated.

I kept thinking to myself, "I was at that exact spot in a moment of time not more than 60 seconds prior that happening." And as I earnestly prayed for the people involved, I was also grateful that it wasn't me. I realized again how precious and fragile life really is.

Today I met my wife at her OB appointment, and had another moment. The doc pulled out the little ultrasound dealy and moved it around on her belly until he found it...the heartbeat of our third child. There's something about that sound that makes everything else inside of you shut up and listen. The sound of new life being knit together, vivacious and tenacious...what a beautiful sound! Makes me tear up right now thinking about it; makes me wanna be the father my children deserve all over again. At what point do some of us stop living, when we all started out so determined and unstoppable?

Life is a gift. Every heartbeat, every minute, every memory. May we never take for granted this precious gift; may we make the most of all of it--the good, the bad, and the ugly. We won't pass this way twice, only once. Let's live while we're here baby! "I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." --Jesus

Monday, March 22, 2010

Redefining Success

I just finished reading a great book for the second time, and I highly recommend it...it's called "The Traveler's Gift" by Andy Andrews. It changed the way I think about life both times I read it, and I handed it off to another friend yesterday to help him in his journey, because it's helped me so much in mine.

Some things are genetic, some things are learned, but the only things that are permanent are the things we choose to believe. For far too long, I've believed something about my life that, until now, I have been unable to identify as false, even ridiculous. There has been an underlying feeling of failure within myself that ebbs and flows, but never subsides. No matter how much I accomplish or succeed at certain aspects of life, I don't feel like a success. Why?

Even within the context of spirituality, having established a connection with the divine as a child and walking in close relationship with God throughout my life thus far, why do I feel this way? When I know I am loved unconditionally despite my faults and failures, and there is no need to prove anything to Him, why do I feel the need to prove so much to myself?

I am finally learning to love myself more truly. It's funny...I've always seen the best in people, and never had that much trouble loving them, but I've had a heck of a time loving me. Somehow I haven't measured up to all the high expectations that I established for myself many years ago (maybe because some of my expectations are a little crazy). The love of God is unconditional, so if His love is in me, why am I conditional with myself? It's funny how you can be gracious with others, while withholding grace from yourself.

For much of my life, I've allowed my financial prowess (or lack thereof :-) to dominate my feelings of success. While part of that is innate as a man, much of it is tied to the "American dream," and the culture we live in. But I work for a church, and I'm a musician...that's two strikes right there! Ha! But in all seriousness, I am fed up with the tide of worry and fear that has washed up discouragement and despair on the shores of my cerebral cortex!! As a Christ follower, I know that something's wrong when my decisions are being guided more by fear than by faith.

So what is "success?" I think it's much more tied to who you are than what you do. Even if you DO a lot, that in itself does not make you successful. If I had accomplished all my big dreams, but died without ever loving myself simply and completely, I missed the mark! And as I write this, I wonder if I'm writing these words as a cop out because I haven't attained the Everest-esque peaks that I had hoped to reach by now...but for me, I can honestly say no. Because even if I was that high, I'd still be searching for what I've found "down" here.

Simply put, I am enough. I am married to an all-around beautiful woman, who I love more today than ever before. I have two awesome little boys, and another bun in the oven (due in September...woo hoo!). I am following a bigger plan for my life than I made for myself (not bigger in the vein of how I used to think, but bigger because it's not mine...wink). I get to do what I love for a living alongside other people who truly love me for me. I have true friends, who will be friends for a lifetime.

Money is nice. Accomplishment feels good. But living in faith, hope, and most of all, love...that is success!