I just finished reading a great book for the second time, and I highly recommend it...it's called "The Traveler's Gift" by Andy Andrews. It changed the way I think about life both times I read it, and I handed it off to another friend yesterday to help him in his journey, because it's helped me so much in mine.
Some things are genetic, some things are learned, but the only things that are permanent are the things we choose to believe. For far too long, I've believed something about my life that, until now, I have been unable to identify as false, even ridiculous. There has been an underlying feeling of failure within myself that ebbs and flows, but never subsides. No matter how much I accomplish or succeed at certain aspects of life, I don't feel like a success. Why?
Even within the context of spirituality, having established a connection with the divine as a child and walking in close relationship with God throughout my life thus far, why do I feel this way? When I know I am loved unconditionally despite my faults and failures, and there is no need to prove anything to Him, why do I feel the need to prove so much to myself?
I am finally learning to love myself more truly. It's funny...I've always seen the best in people, and never had that much trouble loving them, but I've had a heck of a time loving me. Somehow I haven't measured up to all the high expectations that I established for myself many years ago (maybe because some of my expectations are a little crazy). The love of God is unconditional, so if His love is in me, why am I conditional with myself? It's funny how you can be gracious with others, while withholding grace from yourself.
For much of my life, I've allowed my financial prowess (or lack thereof :-) to dominate my feelings of success. While part of that is innate as a man, much of it is tied to the "American dream," and the culture we live in. But I work for a church, and I'm a musician...that's two strikes right there! Ha! But in all seriousness, I am fed up with the tide of worry and fear that has washed up discouragement and despair on the shores of my cerebral cortex!! As a Christ follower, I know that something's wrong when my decisions are being guided more by fear than by faith.
So what is "success?" I think it's much more tied to who you are than what you do. Even if you DO a lot, that in itself does not make you successful. If I had accomplished all my big dreams, but died without ever loving myself simply and completely, I missed the mark! And as I write this, I wonder if I'm writing these words as a cop out because I haven't attained the Everest-esque peaks that I had hoped to reach by now...but for me, I can honestly say no. Because even if I was that high, I'd still be searching for what I've found "down" here.
Simply put, I am enough. I am married to an all-around beautiful woman, who I love more today than ever before. I have two awesome little boys, and another bun in the oven (due in September...woo hoo!). I am following a bigger plan for my life than I made for myself (not bigger in the vein of how I used to think, but bigger because it's not mine...wink). I get to do what I love for a living alongside other people who truly love me for me. I have true friends, who will be friends for a lifetime.
Money is nice. Accomplishment feels good. But living in faith, hope, and most of all, love...that is success!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Fascination
A clip from a great article below...makes you wonder if you're the type of person who brings people closer to God, or drives them further away!
"The more I have read the Bible and studied the life of Jesus, the more I have become convinced that Christianity spreads best not through force but through fascination. But over the past few decades our Christianity, at least here in the United States, has become less and less fascinating. We have given the atheists less and less to disbelieve. And the sort of Christianity many of us have seen on TV and heard on the radio looks less and less like Jesus"
"The more I have read the Bible and studied the life of Jesus, the more I have become convinced that Christianity spreads best not through force but through fascination. But over the past few decades our Christianity, at least here in the United States, has become less and less fascinating. We have given the atheists less and less to disbelieve. And the sort of Christianity many of us have seen on TV and heard on the radio looks less and less like Jesus"
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Real Life Puppets?
I was part of a small group recently that read "The Shack" together (which is a MUST read if you haven't read it!), and we had a great discussion about predestination. I've found myself thinking about it more and more as of late. Basically there are two views on this:
1) Calvinist - believe that everything that we experience in life was decided beforehand by God to come to pass, and we pretty much have no power over it. Certain people are appointed for salvation, while others are destined for damnation.
2) Arminian - believe that humanity is empowered with free will and we each choose the path we will take. Salvation is available to any and all who will receive it, and God's will is "conditional" based on the choices we make.
Our discussion focused around whether or not the choices we make in life are already written in God's "manual" for our lives. Are we just puppets, oblivious to the marionette strings attached, mistakenly convinced of our own independence; or are we actually able to exercise a power of choice that can truly alter and decide the course of our lives?
I am definitely more of an Arminian, believing in free will and the God-bestowed power within us to decide our own destiny (side note: a member of our group said, "All worship leaders are Arminian!" --can you say stereotype? :-). I have considered the possibility, however, of God's absolute foreknowledge, and how that relates to predestination. Maybe we're not predestined for certain things, but God knows exactly what will transpire before it actually happens. When God confronted the apostle Paul on the road to Damascus, afflicting him with blindness, do you think He knew that he would eventually change his life and become one of the most influential leaders of the Christian church? I do.
When I think about times in my life when I have felt forgotten or ignored by God, even victimized by circumstances that I did not choose, I can see in hindsight how those moments have become turning points, milestones, proving grounds that have forever impacted my life. I've changed my thinking from "thank God I'm not there anymore" to "thank God I WAS THERE." At the end of the day, the answer to the question of whether God is the supreme puppetmaster over humanity doesn't wreck my faith...because more than anything, He is LOVE. If I am just a marionette doing His dance, I'm just glad it doesn't feel that way.
1) Calvinist - believe that everything that we experience in life was decided beforehand by God to come to pass, and we pretty much have no power over it. Certain people are appointed for salvation, while others are destined for damnation.
2) Arminian - believe that humanity is empowered with free will and we each choose the path we will take. Salvation is available to any and all who will receive it, and God's will is "conditional" based on the choices we make.
Our discussion focused around whether or not the choices we make in life are already written in God's "manual" for our lives. Are we just puppets, oblivious to the marionette strings attached, mistakenly convinced of our own independence; or are we actually able to exercise a power of choice that can truly alter and decide the course of our lives?
I am definitely more of an Arminian, believing in free will and the God-bestowed power within us to decide our own destiny (side note: a member of our group said, "All worship leaders are Arminian!" --can you say stereotype? :-). I have considered the possibility, however, of God's absolute foreknowledge, and how that relates to predestination. Maybe we're not predestined for certain things, but God knows exactly what will transpire before it actually happens. When God confronted the apostle Paul on the road to Damascus, afflicting him with blindness, do you think He knew that he would eventually change his life and become one of the most influential leaders of the Christian church? I do.
When I think about times in my life when I have felt forgotten or ignored by God, even victimized by circumstances that I did not choose, I can see in hindsight how those moments have become turning points, milestones, proving grounds that have forever impacted my life. I've changed my thinking from "thank God I'm not there anymore" to "thank God I WAS THERE." At the end of the day, the answer to the question of whether God is the supreme puppetmaster over humanity doesn't wreck my faith...because more than anything, He is LOVE. If I am just a marionette doing His dance, I'm just glad it doesn't feel that way.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Vantage Point
OK, so going on a Bahamas cruise in January when you call Kansas home is a beautiful thing! Although coming back to said home involves a considerable degree of anguish, it's worth the pain. We went from 75 degrees in shorts and flip flops to 29 degrees with "make you feel naked" wind...ouch. But the preview of what spring and summer have to offer was nice!
Just a couple thoughts to share. It had been cloudy all week before we left town last Friday. Not just the few puffy clouds in the sky kind of cloudy, but the "I don't even know if there is still a sun" kind of cloudy. The kind where after a few days, you start to realize that it's affecting your mood rather strongly, especially when you find yourself staring at screen savers of sunsets and the like.
So we got on the plane at 6:25 Friday morning. It's just before dawn, but darker than normal because it's still cloudy. As the plane takes off, I'm watching my 4-year-old peer out the cabin window, enjoying how he gets a kick out of how fast we're going as the trees below shrink into shrubs. It's not long before we're reaching the layer of clouds that have shrouded the Midwest like a dirty blanket all week, and within seconds we're poking out the other side. As we do, I catch the first glimpse of the sun rising in the east.
A simple moment in time, but a small voice inside said, "The sun still shines even when you can't see it." Though hidden from view, it's still there. It is faithful to rise and shine throughout every waking moment of the day (and night), regardless of my ability to see its light or feel its warmth. Too often, I allow my vantage point on earth to dictate how I think about the things I don't see, and as such, I limit myself to the visible, predictable, mediocre. God is none of those things, so why do I allow myself to think that way? Why do I let the immediate overrule the eternal?
The sun still shines even you can't see it. Change your vantage point. See beyond what you can see. Because when you decide to change, everything changes for you.
Just a couple thoughts to share. It had been cloudy all week before we left town last Friday. Not just the few puffy clouds in the sky kind of cloudy, but the "I don't even know if there is still a sun" kind of cloudy. The kind where after a few days, you start to realize that it's affecting your mood rather strongly, especially when you find yourself staring at screen savers of sunsets and the like.
So we got on the plane at 6:25 Friday morning. It's just before dawn, but darker than normal because it's still cloudy. As the plane takes off, I'm watching my 4-year-old peer out the cabin window, enjoying how he gets a kick out of how fast we're going as the trees below shrink into shrubs. It's not long before we're reaching the layer of clouds that have shrouded the Midwest like a dirty blanket all week, and within seconds we're poking out the other side. As we do, I catch the first glimpse of the sun rising in the east.
A simple moment in time, but a small voice inside said, "The sun still shines even when you can't see it." Though hidden from view, it's still there. It is faithful to rise and shine throughout every waking moment of the day (and night), regardless of my ability to see its light or feel its warmth. Too often, I allow my vantage point on earth to dictate how I think about the things I don't see, and as such, I limit myself to the visible, predictable, mediocre. God is none of those things, so why do I allow myself to think that way? Why do I let the immediate overrule the eternal?
The sun still shines even you can't see it. Change your vantage point. See beyond what you can see. Because when you decide to change, everything changes for you.
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