Ya know those moments when time stands still and you find yourself thinking about life in a different way? I've had two of those moments within the past 24 hours.
Last night I had to drive home and grab my trumpet cuz I realized I had forgotten to bring it with me for lessons. I had a 10-minute window, so I left the car running, ran inside, ran out, jumped in and took off. Upon reaching the intersection that I just came through, a half mile down the road from our subdivision, I was among the first people to stop at a horrific accident. There was a mangled pickup flipped in the ditch, with the driver still strapped in his seatbelt hanging upside down. In the opposing lane was a compact sedan that had been slammed by the truck to the point that you could not tell what kind of car it was.
I got out to see if I could be of any assistance, and on first glance, I thought the woman driving the car was dead. Then I noticed that she was breathing, though slumped over and unresponsive, and went to check on the driver of the truck, who seemed fine. A few minutes later, I left to get out of the way of emergency vehicles as they arrived. Three hours later on my way home, the intersection was still closed as the accident was being investigated.
I kept thinking to myself, "I was at that exact spot in a moment of time not more than 60 seconds prior that happening." And as I earnestly prayed for the people involved, I was also grateful that it wasn't me. I realized again how precious and fragile life really is.
Today I met my wife at her OB appointment, and had another moment. The doc pulled out the little ultrasound dealy and moved it around on her belly until he found it...the heartbeat of our third child. There's something about that sound that makes everything else inside of you shut up and listen. The sound of new life being knit together, vivacious and tenacious...what a beautiful sound! Makes me tear up right now thinking about it; makes me wanna be the father my children deserve all over again. At what point do some of us stop living, when we all started out so determined and unstoppable?
Life is a gift. Every heartbeat, every minute, every memory. May we never take for granted this precious gift; may we make the most of all of it--the good, the bad, and the ugly. We won't pass this way twice, only once. Let's live while we're here baby! "I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." --Jesus
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Redefining Success
I just finished reading a great book for the second time, and I highly recommend it...it's called "The Traveler's Gift" by Andy Andrews. It changed the way I think about life both times I read it, and I handed it off to another friend yesterday to help him in his journey, because it's helped me so much in mine.
Some things are genetic, some things are learned, but the only things that are permanent are the things we choose to believe. For far too long, I've believed something about my life that, until now, I have been unable to identify as false, even ridiculous. There has been an underlying feeling of failure within myself that ebbs and flows, but never subsides. No matter how much I accomplish or succeed at certain aspects of life, I don't feel like a success. Why?
Even within the context of spirituality, having established a connection with the divine as a child and walking in close relationship with God throughout my life thus far, why do I feel this way? When I know I am loved unconditionally despite my faults and failures, and there is no need to prove anything to Him, why do I feel the need to prove so much to myself?
I am finally learning to love myself more truly. It's funny...I've always seen the best in people, and never had that much trouble loving them, but I've had a heck of a time loving me. Somehow I haven't measured up to all the high expectations that I established for myself many years ago (maybe because some of my expectations are a little crazy). The love of God is unconditional, so if His love is in me, why am I conditional with myself? It's funny how you can be gracious with others, while withholding grace from yourself.
For much of my life, I've allowed my financial prowess (or lack thereof :-) to dominate my feelings of success. While part of that is innate as a man, much of it is tied to the "American dream," and the culture we live in. But I work for a church, and I'm a musician...that's two strikes right there! Ha! But in all seriousness, I am fed up with the tide of worry and fear that has washed up discouragement and despair on the shores of my cerebral cortex!! As a Christ follower, I know that something's wrong when my decisions are being guided more by fear than by faith.
So what is "success?" I think it's much more tied to who you are than what you do. Even if you DO a lot, that in itself does not make you successful. If I had accomplished all my big dreams, but died without ever loving myself simply and completely, I missed the mark! And as I write this, I wonder if I'm writing these words as a cop out because I haven't attained the Everest-esque peaks that I had hoped to reach by now...but for me, I can honestly say no. Because even if I was that high, I'd still be searching for what I've found "down" here.
Simply put, I am enough. I am married to an all-around beautiful woman, who I love more today than ever before. I have two awesome little boys, and another bun in the oven (due in September...woo hoo!). I am following a bigger plan for my life than I made for myself (not bigger in the vein of how I used to think, but bigger because it's not mine...wink). I get to do what I love for a living alongside other people who truly love me for me. I have true friends, who will be friends for a lifetime.
Money is nice. Accomplishment feels good. But living in faith, hope, and most of all, love...that is success!
Some things are genetic, some things are learned, but the only things that are permanent are the things we choose to believe. For far too long, I've believed something about my life that, until now, I have been unable to identify as false, even ridiculous. There has been an underlying feeling of failure within myself that ebbs and flows, but never subsides. No matter how much I accomplish or succeed at certain aspects of life, I don't feel like a success. Why?
Even within the context of spirituality, having established a connection with the divine as a child and walking in close relationship with God throughout my life thus far, why do I feel this way? When I know I am loved unconditionally despite my faults and failures, and there is no need to prove anything to Him, why do I feel the need to prove so much to myself?
I am finally learning to love myself more truly. It's funny...I've always seen the best in people, and never had that much trouble loving them, but I've had a heck of a time loving me. Somehow I haven't measured up to all the high expectations that I established for myself many years ago (maybe because some of my expectations are a little crazy). The love of God is unconditional, so if His love is in me, why am I conditional with myself? It's funny how you can be gracious with others, while withholding grace from yourself.
For much of my life, I've allowed my financial prowess (or lack thereof :-) to dominate my feelings of success. While part of that is innate as a man, much of it is tied to the "American dream," and the culture we live in. But I work for a church, and I'm a musician...that's two strikes right there! Ha! But in all seriousness, I am fed up with the tide of worry and fear that has washed up discouragement and despair on the shores of my cerebral cortex!! As a Christ follower, I know that something's wrong when my decisions are being guided more by fear than by faith.
So what is "success?" I think it's much more tied to who you are than what you do. Even if you DO a lot, that in itself does not make you successful. If I had accomplished all my big dreams, but died without ever loving myself simply and completely, I missed the mark! And as I write this, I wonder if I'm writing these words as a cop out because I haven't attained the Everest-esque peaks that I had hoped to reach by now...but for me, I can honestly say no. Because even if I was that high, I'd still be searching for what I've found "down" here.
Simply put, I am enough. I am married to an all-around beautiful woman, who I love more today than ever before. I have two awesome little boys, and another bun in the oven (due in September...woo hoo!). I am following a bigger plan for my life than I made for myself (not bigger in the vein of how I used to think, but bigger because it's not mine...wink). I get to do what I love for a living alongside other people who truly love me for me. I have true friends, who will be friends for a lifetime.
Money is nice. Accomplishment feels good. But living in faith, hope, and most of all, love...that is success!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Fascination
A clip from a great article below...makes you wonder if you're the type of person who brings people closer to God, or drives them further away!
"The more I have read the Bible and studied the life of Jesus, the more I have become convinced that Christianity spreads best not through force but through fascination. But over the past few decades our Christianity, at least here in the United States, has become less and less fascinating. We have given the atheists less and less to disbelieve. And the sort of Christianity many of us have seen on TV and heard on the radio looks less and less like Jesus"
"The more I have read the Bible and studied the life of Jesus, the more I have become convinced that Christianity spreads best not through force but through fascination. But over the past few decades our Christianity, at least here in the United States, has become less and less fascinating. We have given the atheists less and less to disbelieve. And the sort of Christianity many of us have seen on TV and heard on the radio looks less and less like Jesus"
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Real Life Puppets?
I was part of a small group recently that read "The Shack" together (which is a MUST read if you haven't read it!), and we had a great discussion about predestination. I've found myself thinking about it more and more as of late. Basically there are two views on this:
1) Calvinist - believe that everything that we experience in life was decided beforehand by God to come to pass, and we pretty much have no power over it. Certain people are appointed for salvation, while others are destined for damnation.
2) Arminian - believe that humanity is empowered with free will and we each choose the path we will take. Salvation is available to any and all who will receive it, and God's will is "conditional" based on the choices we make.
Our discussion focused around whether or not the choices we make in life are already written in God's "manual" for our lives. Are we just puppets, oblivious to the marionette strings attached, mistakenly convinced of our own independence; or are we actually able to exercise a power of choice that can truly alter and decide the course of our lives?
I am definitely more of an Arminian, believing in free will and the God-bestowed power within us to decide our own destiny (side note: a member of our group said, "All worship leaders are Arminian!" --can you say stereotype? :-). I have considered the possibility, however, of God's absolute foreknowledge, and how that relates to predestination. Maybe we're not predestined for certain things, but God knows exactly what will transpire before it actually happens. When God confronted the apostle Paul on the road to Damascus, afflicting him with blindness, do you think He knew that he would eventually change his life and become one of the most influential leaders of the Christian church? I do.
When I think about times in my life when I have felt forgotten or ignored by God, even victimized by circumstances that I did not choose, I can see in hindsight how those moments have become turning points, milestones, proving grounds that have forever impacted my life. I've changed my thinking from "thank God I'm not there anymore" to "thank God I WAS THERE." At the end of the day, the answer to the question of whether God is the supreme puppetmaster over humanity doesn't wreck my faith...because more than anything, He is LOVE. If I am just a marionette doing His dance, I'm just glad it doesn't feel that way.
1) Calvinist - believe that everything that we experience in life was decided beforehand by God to come to pass, and we pretty much have no power over it. Certain people are appointed for salvation, while others are destined for damnation.
2) Arminian - believe that humanity is empowered with free will and we each choose the path we will take. Salvation is available to any and all who will receive it, and God's will is "conditional" based on the choices we make.
Our discussion focused around whether or not the choices we make in life are already written in God's "manual" for our lives. Are we just puppets, oblivious to the marionette strings attached, mistakenly convinced of our own independence; or are we actually able to exercise a power of choice that can truly alter and decide the course of our lives?
I am definitely more of an Arminian, believing in free will and the God-bestowed power within us to decide our own destiny (side note: a member of our group said, "All worship leaders are Arminian!" --can you say stereotype? :-). I have considered the possibility, however, of God's absolute foreknowledge, and how that relates to predestination. Maybe we're not predestined for certain things, but God knows exactly what will transpire before it actually happens. When God confronted the apostle Paul on the road to Damascus, afflicting him with blindness, do you think He knew that he would eventually change his life and become one of the most influential leaders of the Christian church? I do.
When I think about times in my life when I have felt forgotten or ignored by God, even victimized by circumstances that I did not choose, I can see in hindsight how those moments have become turning points, milestones, proving grounds that have forever impacted my life. I've changed my thinking from "thank God I'm not there anymore" to "thank God I WAS THERE." At the end of the day, the answer to the question of whether God is the supreme puppetmaster over humanity doesn't wreck my faith...because more than anything, He is LOVE. If I am just a marionette doing His dance, I'm just glad it doesn't feel that way.
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